It’s been almost a year since Masculine Geek hosted its first live stream. Since then, there’s been several revelations worth noting. One is that there is a strong desire and lack of options for masculine men to gather and discuss geek stuff.
However, there is another appeal to our show that I didn’t quite expect. I’ve been struck by how many masculine men are closet geeks. They paint miniature figures, zealously study history, collect antiques, or love tabletop games, while going to lengths both great and small to be discreet about it.
That is, until Masculine Geek appeared and pointed out what everyone was thinking; it’s ok to be masculine and like geek stuff.
But this brings up an interesting question. Why do masculine men hide their geekiness?
Theories abound, and it’s likely there is no one reason. Nevertheless, I have a strange feeling much of it can be explained by one thing: The competing desire within a man to pursue what he loves while attracting desirable women.
Of concern to most men is what generates interest from women. The reality is, they aren’t aroused by your model airplane collection, your 1925 typewriter, or how good you are at Call of Duty. Insofar as “game” and sexual attraction is concerned, these things are at best something to mention or reference in passing, rather than as a selling point. When I was looking at homes to buy, a real estate agent showing me houses kept describing them as “cute.” That’s a great way to pitch a sale to an elderly woman, but not to a 30 year old man. Your geek stuff works well if you’re trying to impress a buddy with similar tastes, but not the beautiful girl you just met.
Now, she may like geek things on her own and appreciate the common interest between the two of you, but that has no bearing on whatever she looks at you with lustful desire or platonic neutrality and a “let’s just be friends” offer. Further, her lack of interest in those hobbies has no effect on her attraction toward you for other reasons that truly do have an impact. If she has genuine desire for you, she’ll be enthusiastic about whatever it is you do because she sees it as an extension of what draws her to you.
This influence is so powerful that can override previous convictions or values a woman might have; a girl who thinks guns are bad will eagerly browse a gun store for two hours with a man to help him pick out a new pistol if she’s sufficiently infatuated. A girl who didn’t care about Star Wars will turn into the biggest fan in the room if “her man” is into it.
Men whose primary goal is to be successful with women are less likely to spend time pursuing geek hobbies; not because they don’t like them, but they’ve learned through experience what works and doesn’t work with girls. Sure, they can have an “acceptable” masculine hobby like motorcycling, playing the guitar, or watching football. Something along those lines that isn’t too peculiar or odd. Certainly nothing that give a potential romantic interest pause were she to discover it.
The result is a perception that men who get into geek stuff do so to compensate for lacking the social graces necessary to do well with girls. It’s not hard to see why that is; if geek culture was the key to a woman’s heart, then that’s where regular men would go. In fact, men would pretend to be geeks to impress a girl, rather than conceal it. When you think of someone in high school playing Dungeons and Dragons, you don’t think of the star football player; you think of the social misfit.
However, to focus only on what attracts women robs men of other joys in life. Women are not and cannot be the center of a man’s existence. He must put himself first, and that means pursuing and enjoying passions that bring him pleasure and happiness regardless of what a woman thinks. A lot of “red pill” men realize this, but struggle with how to overcome the perception of anyone connected to those hobbies. Far easier to quietly indulge in them rather than constantly defend yourself skeptics who might use it as an opportunity to question your masculinity.
This is why the Eighth Masculine Geek Commandment is “Thou Shalt Be Authentic.” You must confidently and honestly discuss what you enjoy without fear of shame or self-consciousness. You must resist the urge to explain yourself. You owe no one an explanation.